Absenteeism

Okay, okay, I've been gone for a while.  The holidays were busy with holly and ivy and gastroenteritis.  This whole joyful transman gig may be harder than I thought.  When I began it, I felt like a pretty happy person, overall.  And I am very fortunate indeed, but finding reasons to tell y'all about being happy is less simple than I'd thought.

Can I be happy about this?

An acquaintance mentioned my being trans over brunch a few weeks ago and paid me a compliment, kind of:  "It's hard to remember you're trans because you're not an Angry Tranny."  At the time, I laughed it off, but it stuck in my craw a bit until I could make sense of it.  Why, I do believe I was called a "good n****r!"  

Yes.  That is an awful phrase.  But I do think it's an accurate analogy.  That's why it's quite likely to turn me into an Angry Tranny instead of a Joyful Transman.  Apparently, my value lies in the fact that I don't happen to make people as uncomfortable with my gender as other transpeople do.  

What I don't quite get here is why someone else's comfort level automatically translates into a characteristic of mine.  Why am I an angry or not-angry tranny on the basis of their comfort level? 

No, I don't think I can be happy about that.

Can I be happy about this?

So, I met a guy.  He showed all the usual signs of interest.  Until it came to stepping things up a notch.  Then, he needed "time to cope" with my being transgender.  Okay, fine, this sort of thing happens once in a while.  Okay, twice in a while.  Okay, a hundred times in a while.  Makes me ask:  What's worse, being strung along by someone who really just wants to meet the freak or just having guys give me some honest, old-fashioned ostracism?  That's right, fellas!  Waste my time, add yet another person to my life who has issues with my freak-status, 'cause obviously there's a shortage of those!

Oh, did I come across as Angry Tranny?  Dearie me. 

No, I don't think I can be happy about that.

So, what is there to be happy about, when a report has just come out documenting that 41% of transpeople report having attempted suicide, transfolk are twice as likely to be unemployed as the general population, 20% of transpeople have been homeless because of their gender identity or expression, and we're 4 times more likely to live in extreme poverty than people who are not transgender?  [The Report Can Be Seen Here]

I guess I can be happy that I'm one of the lucky ones, but I don't think that will be enough.

So long as we are expected to adjust our lives, behaviours, and even our emotions to others' comfort, being joyful will be a tad difficult. 

So long as we are expected to be forever patient and understanding with those who want to place the stress of their confusion regarding us on our already rather full shoulders, being joyful will be a tad difficult. 

And that's why it is so vital that we work to be joyful.

How?  

Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out.  Joy is to be found in snow days and in the snoring of a napping cat.  It's to be found in the flavour of a walnut cookie and in a perfect tie found at the thrift store.  And yeah, it's to be found in the very things that can piss us off so much too. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. . . that's the greeting card version. 

About all I'm finding at the moment is we're still here.

Yeah, we are still here.  Suck that, bigots! 

We.  Are.  Still.  Here. 

For now, that will have to do.